“End, begin, all the same. Big change. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad.”
I was watching “The Dark Crystal” yesterday, which is one of my favorite children’s movies. It’s a fantastical story that Jim Henson was behind, which introduces a new world. One creature is tasked with putting the world right again by healing the dark crystal.
It’s probably been over a decade since I’ve watched it, but the messages it shares still hold truths for me. I’ve always heard the biggest message from the movie to be that good and bad must exist together to hold the world in balance. It’s amazing to me to see that this message that was given to me as a child still lives strongly within me. It’s a sign that despite the changes that we encounter in our lives, the core part of us lives on.
Which brings me to the quote above. It is spoken by Aughra, who feels to me like something of a spiritual leader, even as she carries herself gruffly through the world. Beginnings. Endings. They are the same. They carry change. Sometimes they are good. Sometimes they are bad. And I would add, sometimes they are neither or both. Sometimes you can’t imagine how such pain can be good, but you find in the big picture, the change that came with it carried gifts.
As the year comes to an end, I can’t help but think about beginnings, endings, and changes that come along the way. This year has carried numerous endings for me. It has also carried numerous beginnings. Change has come. And I’ve had to look to myself again and again to find my own truths.
This year, I left a job I’d had for over five years. This year, I moved to a new country. This year, I met new people who I now carry in my heart. This year, I’ve said goodbye to people who have touched me deeply. This year I welcomed new family members, in the form of a sister-in-law, her family, and now just a few days ago, a new nephew.
This year I asked for help in new ways, and was reminded what infinite treasures I have in the family and friends who surround me.
This year, I let go of fear a little bit more, and with that, I let go of the role I thought I was meant to play in life, looking for the role that is waiting to be expressed.
This year, I opened my mind a bit more. I opened my heart a bit more.
This year, I shed tears and I laughed for hours. I danced. I sang. I swam. I watched the sun set in a palate of pastels.
Each of the changes I encountered this year has carried with it a flush of emotions. Sometimes they held sadness, sometimes joy. Sometimes they carried the most intense fear I can remember feeling in my life.
And with these changes came lessons. I learned that I am strong. I learned that when I’m taken out of my comfort zone, I can still find connection to others. I’ve learned that sometimes a person sharing her understanding of you is a true gift, and can open your eyes in a new way. I learned that sharing my story has meaning for others. I learned that love comes in many ways and many forms.
For each of those changes, I cannot help but express gratitude. I am grateful for these ends that are truly beginnings, and that I’ve been given the opportunity to live them. In my last week of this year, I find myself tearful as I think of some of the goodbyes that came with this year, yet with each tear, I know there is a truth that this is a sign I am lucky enough to live a life with meaning.
Happy New Year~