Last night, I had a dream about my apartment. I don’t often remember my dreams, and I’ve never had a truly repetitive dream. That said, I do have two themes that have visited me in my dreams throughout the years. One is elevators. These often show up when I am feeling stuck. Being stuck on an elevator, or an elevator taking me to the wrong place, has been a very clear parallel indicator of how I’m feeling those moments in my life.
The second theme that shows up in my dreams is the idea that there is another room or part of my apartment that I had forgotten about, never used, or was surprised to find. That was the case last night.
For context, I have lived in the same studio apartment for the past 12 and a half years. It’s a good size apartment, but there are no rooms, per se, nor are there secret hiding spaces. Last night, there was a staircase. It was a very tight staircase, hard to maneuver as I tried to climb the back and forth pattern it used to get people up and down. After squeezing through that staircase, I met others on what seemed to be a roof. Sadly, my dream took a turn towards the unsettling, as a character in my dream grew unsteady on her chair, and plummeted many flights onto a concrete landing below.
I woke up feeling a bit unsettled.
Because the theme of secret places in my home has come up in dreams before, I have learned (through internet searches, and the internet is always right), that these dreams are often showing you that you have parts of yourself that are hidden. Your unconscious is playing with the idea of opening up those parts of yourself.
I’m thinking about this as I think about where I am right now. Currently, I’m working several jobs to make ends meet, some of which I like more than others. Amidst all of this, I’m finding myself pulled towards glimmers of joy. A friend encourages me to seriously consider making travel more a part of my career. I get excited talking to others who are making travel a part of their life story and the story that they are sharing. I want to move myself towards that joy. My dream is telling me that too, though it seems there’s some fear living there.
So, where does that leave me now? I haven’t been able to travel in the way that I love since I moved back from Grand Cayman. I’ve grown a bit discouraged by ideas that haven’t worked, connections that haven’t come through, possibilities that have felt thwarted. But the pull to get out and live in the world more fully still burns within me. I want to fan the flames.