Inside the Absence of Fear

Sometimes it can be really challenging to decide not to move from a place of fear. This has been the thought that has been living in my head for the past several days. I know it is in response both to the inner monologue that is ever present in my head, as well as the events of the world today and the chain reactions that are occurring as a result.

As I continue on my path, I’m hearing little murmurings of fear starting to rear their heads. I’m hearing little doubts creep up. I’m hearing that pesky inner critic mumbling in the back of my head, questioning my choices and telling me that my future is too unstable. I try to run a group, and no one shows up. The critic tells me that no one ever will.

And I’m watching voices that are emerging in response to the recent acts of violence that are occurring around the world. I see the hurt that continues to be enacted on humanity. And I see people judging many based on the acts of a few.

I understand the hurt. I understand the fear. I continue to believe that humans have the capacity to do better. I continue to look for the moments of good. I continue to search for hope.

As I think about the role of fear in my life, what I find most striking is the fact that my moments of strength have left much stronger imprints on my life. The moments that stand out are the times I’ve reached the summits of mountains, the times I’ve worked in different countries, the times I’ve walked into hospital rooms where families were experiencing the most difficult moments of their lives. The times that stand out are the times when people have loved, despite all the reasons they shouldn’t have.

There is so much more power in moving from the best parts of ourselves. I want to live a life honoring the best parts of myself. Even though my finances feel unsure. Even though I left a secure job. Even though I have not yet found the perfect path. I want to come from a place of freedom.

fall

The beauty of fall is not lost on me right now. I see that letting go of the parts of ourselves that are not working can actually create something even more striking than what existed before. In these moments, I try to let go of the critic; I try to let go of the fear. And I look to hope.

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